Noodles and Needs

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE.  It was monogrammed on the wall in the front foyer of the Jones' Tuscan style home. These words were surrounded by several black and white photos displaying the various cities the couple had visited throughout the years. Pictures from the whites sands of St. Lucia and beaches of Morocco to the Swiss Alps and all the way to the mountain fortress Machu Picchu in Peru.  What seemed like hundreds of pictures lined the hallway. The home was absolutely stunning with custom Spanish tiles, a large fountain spewing bubbly crystal clear water, and more extravagant and ornate wood work than a Victorian mansion. The three story entryway was grand and the twelve foot glass and iron doors enabled visitors to peer through the house, through the back wall of windows, and directly in to the plush backyard that housed a magnificent swimming pool.

David went to college with Lester Jones. They were college roommates and good friends. They each studied physics and graduated with honors. David went on to graduate school and Lester ventured out on his own.  He always had the entrepreneurial spirit. Lester eventually started a computer programing company that assisted NASA with launch information, blast data, and many other things not understood by the common folks. He had recently sold the company and was certainly blessed to be able to retire early.  He was only 45. Lester married a beautiful Puerto Rican named Janina when he graduated. He meet her at a physics conference in Philly and they were married a few months later.

David learned all this when he bumped into Lester at the grocery store a few weeks ago. They had no idea they even lived in the same state much less the same town. It was like a reunion that day in the store. They swapped a few stories and had a few laughs.  They talked for ten minutes discussing how they could live just 15 miles from each other and not know.

"Dave, buddy. You need to come by. In fact, my wife is throwing a surprise birthday party for me in a couple weeks.  Come by.  Let's catch up."

"Doesn't sound like much of a surprise huh?"

"My wife isn't very good at it.  So how long have you been married now?"

"About twenty years. You remember Anna from Dr. Krafter's class our senior year?"

"Yeah, I sure do. Oh my God. You two? You married her?  She was a fox."

"No. The girl that sat next to her, Christi," laughed David.  "And who calls a girl a fox anymore?"

"I guess I'm stuck in my teenage mind but what a beautiful place that mind is," joked Lester. "But seriously I want you and Christi to come by a week from this Saturday. Janina just had a new pool put in so she thought no better way to celebrate my birthday than to have a pool party. It's not a big party or a big deal either. Come by around 3:00 or so, please don't bring a gift. It's not really that kind of party besides I feel weird when people show up with presents and things.  Bring a bottle of wine if you want to."

David and Christi pulled up to the guard shack at the front of the Jones' subdivision.

"We are here to see the Jones."

"No problem sir," replied to guard. "You can find their house two streets down on the left. Pull up to the valet and they will park for you."

"Oh OK.  Thanks."

"Swanky friends you have David," she said jokingly.

"Yeah.  This place is pretty nice. A valet for a party?"

They pulled around to the valet and stepped out of their Honda Civic. The valet proceeded to park it amongst a few Mercedes, Lexus, and some type of foreign sports cars and convertible.

He took a deep breath. "OK.  Let's hit it," he said.

They began the walk up to the majestic entrance to the home and was greeted at the door by Janina. The lovely Janina flashed her million dollar smile and she tightened the bikini wrap tied around her waste.  She was stunning.

"Oh my goodness! Hi there!" Janina said in a thick Puerto Rican accent. "Lester has told me all about you!  Come in please."

We stepped in the foyer and immediately heard Lester scream, "Cannonball" and launch himself into the pool.

"Oh that Lester.  Please let me take the wine.  I'll sit it over with the rest of the bottles.  You can set you gift over with the rest."  She gave each a hug.

David did bring a small gift.  General rule of thumb says he has to show up with a gift to a birthday party, regardless of if the host says not to.  He looked over toward the fireplace where the was a stack of large presents, with exquisite wrapping paper, bows, and streamers.  David clinched his gift as he walked over to drop zone. He was obviously a little apprehensive to place his small gift that was shroud in crinkly old paper and an old Christmas bow amongst the perfectly wrapped quests' gifts.  When he returned to his wife's side.

David inconspicuously whispered in Christy's ear. "I think some people bought him a gas grill? Look at the size of some of those presents. He may even have a flat screen TV over there!"

So the evening went on and Lester was introducing David and his wife to all the guests.  Some guests were dressed to the nines and some were wearing their bathing suits and enjoying the swim up pool bar seats under the waterfall. It was a beautiful afternoon to have a pool party. 

David has been teaching physics at the local high school since a he graduated.  Not the best paying job in the world but it's a living he loved sharing his knowledge.  You could tell by the way some of his conversation went with the other guests.  He would get over their head while explaining anything related to his profession.

So the fire pit was lit and Lester was sitting up by the presents.  His wife tapped her glass and called attention in the room.  She thanked everyone for coming and stated Lester was going to open his presents.  Lester being a modest fellow first declined but Janina has a way of talking anyone into anything.

"What kind of party is this? Who opens gifts in front of all their guests?  That's for seven year olds not grown adults," he again whispered to Christi.

So Lester began opening his gifts.  A gas grill, Tiffany crystal, fancy artwork, and cases of fancy wine like Silver Oak and  Antinori Solaia.  He then grabbed David's gift.

"This one is from David and his wonderful wife Christi. I haven't seen David in 20 years and we happened to run into each other a few weeks ago.  What a pleasure it is to have them here this evening."

"Just for the record, I did not have any doing in picking the gift," joked Christi.

Lester pealed the paper off it and just starred at it for a few seconds. He then looked up directly at David and again starred for a few seconds before he spoke.

"Really?  This is what you got me? I can't believe this."

Everyone turned around to look at David. He just stood there feeling out of place, almost out of his league with this group of people.

"Are you kidding me," Lester said. "This is awesome!"

He pulled out a pack of Ramen Noodles and proudly held them up so everyone could see. 

"Oh man, we ate these things every day of our life for four years in college.  You even got the beef flavor kind! Guys, this man and I shared some of the best times of our life together.  Many of the memories we have forgotten but as soon as I saw these Ramen Noodles I recalled many things I haven't thought of in decades. We would have some of our best discussions over various physics theories and other nerdy topics that aren't of interest to much of you here tonight."  He began to tear up a little bit and walked over and hugged David then gently kissed Christi on her check.

"He whispered, "You have a wonderful man here with a wonderful heart."

Long after all the guests left and the hustle and bustle of the party left the house, David and Lester were found in the kitchen making beef Ramen Noodles and drinking the eight dollar bottle of wine he and Christi brought. Something about this day and this party brought things into perspective for everyone.

"Dave, out of all the gifts I got tonight, which by the way, I didn't know Janina told the other guests to bring one, these Ramen Noodles and cheap wine are the ones that I will cherish forever.  He raised his glass.  "Here's to lifelong friendships that are full of many years of void and many years of memories.  I hope to enjoy many more memories with you guys. Salud." 

They all tapped their plastic cups in agreement.

Comedy, Las Vegas Style

"You should do it. Go ahead and enter," said Johnny as he patted his brother on the back. "You make everyone laugh!"

They were looking at a nightclub flyer stapled to a telephone pole. It read:

"STAND UP COMEDY CONTEST NEXT FRIDAY. WINNER WINS AN ALL EXPENSE PAID TRIP TO LAS VEGAS TO PERFORM AT A MYSTERY VENUE!"

"We've been to that club a few times before.  I think you would really have a chance."

"Let me think about it. OK. I'll do it," laughed Greg.

So Friday morning rolls around.  Greg is practicing his routine on his brother.

"Speaking of the grocery store, I was there the other day.  This blind man walked in with this dog on a leash.  He walked in the door about ten feet and stopped dead in his tracks.  He lifted that dog up and began to spin that thing above his head like a helicopter. Almost instantly the manger ran over and asked, "What in the world are you doing?"  The man said in a quiet voice, "I'm just looking around."

Johnny busted out in laughter. "Now that's a good one," he yelled. "Looking around! Hahahahaha!"

"I feel pretty good about this thing tonight," Greg said with confidence and a smile.

They walk into the club and see about 100 patrons ready for the show. 

"No cover sure brings in the crowd, huh?"

"Yep. don't get nervous. I see you eyeing those steps over there. The stage is only a few feet off the ground," joked Johnny.

See, Greg is terribly afraid of heights.  Has been all his life.  No one knows why or what caused the fear but he freezes up like a fainting goat if he gets up too high. We once talked him into getting a roller coaster, the Steel Eel, at SeaWorld in San Antonio Texas.  This baby is high I tell you. I'd say nearly two hundred feet in the air. And when I say we talked him into it what I really mean is his old drop dead gorgeous high school girlfriend talked him into it. I think she could have talked anyone into doing anything she wanted but I'll leave those stories for another time.

Back to the coaster. OK, halfway up the first and biggest hill I look over only to see Greg unconscious already. This is a huge first drop too.  I mean the tracks almost bend back under themselves, at least that is how it feels.  I yell for him to wake up and try to nudge him a bit. He comes to then falls right back out. The "click, click" chain noises haunt him to this day. So we reach the top of the hill and begin the decent. This is one of the funniest things I have seen to date in my life. As we start to fall and reach top speed, which is about 70 mph, I look over again to see Greg's limp arms raising into the air on their own.  This coaster doesn't go upside down or any thing fancy.  It's claim to fame is speed and endless hills and dips that give a great sensation of weightlessness.  So over every hill and dip, Greg's arms are just flopping around like wet noodles. The best part about this is the "tourist trap" picture the park takes at the best moment of the ride, which is of course the first drop. It was worth every bit of fifteen bucks and is the pride and joy of my refrigerator decor.

So Greg got up on stage went through the five minute time limit and still has more material to go. He killed them.  They love him and since the contest was going to be judged by and voted on by the audience, this is a good sign.  The other twenty before him didn't fair so well.  An outdated Andrew Dice Clay impersonator went up first but that routine has been played out. Some dude who looked like carrot top on steroids, oh wait, that may have been him.  And other Sammy Davis and Dean Martin duo.  These two were so tanked they could barely stand.  They did a pretty good imitation I might add.

So the last comedian finished and within 20 minutes the result were in.  Greg won by a landslide. They were going to Vegas.

"And the winner is Greg Maloney!"  The host screamed over the audience's applause and whistles. "Greg, tell me who you are taking with you to Vegas?"

"I'm going to take my brother, Johnny," he yelled.

"Well folks, Greg is going to be performing in our first annual mystery venue in Vegas along with several other comedians from around the country that won similar contests. Let's end the mystery. Greg you are going to be performing at the world famous Stratosphere! Your stage back drop will be the Vegas skyline, the stars, and the moon.  The Stratosphere's Observation Deck is one thousand feet in the air!"

Greg passed out at that point.

A few days later they decided they needed to figure something out.  This thing about the heights needed to end.  The winner of The Stratosphere contest wins $15,000 and an automatic invite to the contests in the future.  To good to pass up.

"You know, I've heard that people can get over their fears by wearing a disguise while performing the acts that cause the anxiety."

"And you want me to wear a disguise while on stage?"

"Don't mock me.  It's true.  I Googled it."

"So that makes it true?  Are you a moron or did mom just drop you on your head when you were little?"

Within a few hours they were at the costume store.  They spent some time browsing then Greg pulled one from the rack.

"I found it.  This is the one," he said.

Thankfully they lived about five hours from Vegas.  I don't think they would have allowed Greg to fly with this costume on.  He doesn't even like to watch planes fly around the air. 

I was really proud of Greg. I watched him ride the elevator up to the observation deck, step out onto the stage and entertain that crowd like no one else.  His costume was great.  If you ever get the chance to see a grown man dressed like Snoopy tell a joke about a blind man and his seeing eye dog, don't pass it up.  Oh yeah, Greg won that year and the following year.  The third year he was beat by Peppermint Patty.  She never liked Snoopy anyway.